{"id":26814,"date":"2023-09-27T11:31:10","date_gmt":"2023-09-27T11:31:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/propertraining.net\/?p=26814"},"modified":"2023-09-27T11:31:10","modified_gmt":"2023-09-27T11:31:10","slug":"ask-amy-friend-plans-to-lose-her-home-gain-an-rv","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/propertraining.net\/world-news\/ask-amy-friend-plans-to-lose-her-home-gain-an-rv\/","title":{"rendered":"Ask Amy: Friend plans to lose her home, gain an RV"},"content":{"rendered":"
Dear Amy:<\/strong> My BFF and I met in grade school.<\/p>\n We\u2019ve lost touch on and off, but we always find our way back, usually when she\u2019s losing a relationship.<\/p>\n The last loss was two Christmases ago, when after 10 years together her partner \u201cBenny\u201d called her at work, telling her: \u201cThis isn\u2019t working anymore, I\u2019m moving out today.\u201d<\/p>\n It was rough. She had custody of her toddler grandson who she thought Benny would help her to raise.<\/p>\n I was there for her. She got therapy and started choosing to focus on herself, versus always needing to be with a guy.<\/p>\n Six months later, she met \u201cChris\u201d on a dating website.<\/p>\n He was one of five or six guys she was seeing.<\/p>\n After four months, she decided she really liked him, and they became exclusive.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve seen her four times since then. Now I\u2019m lucky if I talk to her once a month.<\/p>\n Her birthday is coming up, so we caught up.<\/p>\n She told me that her daughter and the daughter\u2019s girlfriend are taking over her house, while she will live in the basement.<\/p>\n They will pay the mortgage and buy the house in about a year.<\/p>\n She and her boyfriend are going to get out of debt, save their money, and, in a year, buy their RV.<\/p>\n I\u2019m concerned because the one thing she has always had is her house.<\/p>\n It\u2019s the house she grew up in.<\/p>\n No house, no foundation. I\u2019ve met the guy once, and he seems to be a good guy.<\/p>\n She did an amazing job working on herself the past two years, but I believe she is jumping in way too quickly.<\/p>\n I want to know how to express my concerns. Or should I just be happy for her?<\/p>\n — Best Friend Forever<\/em><\/p>\n Dear BFF:<\/strong> Close, intimate, long-time friends get to tell one another the truth, as long as they also accept the possible consequences.<\/p>\n Sometimes, the most effective way to do this is through simple statements, followed by thoughtful questions, and listening with intent.<\/p>\n \u201cSurrendering your childhood home is a huge change for you. I have to admit, I\u2019ve been worrying about this. Have you thought it through enough? Have you considered the possible downsides?\u201d<\/p>\n After you initiate a thoughtful, non-judgmental conversation and listen to her answers — then you should step back and be happy for her.<\/p>\n Dear Amy:<\/strong> My daughter, who is in her 40s, has always had a bit of a weight problem, as have I. But having to work from home during Covid resulted in her gaining even more weight. I think she is around 80 pounds overweight.<\/p>\n We are very close, and I am sympathetic since I have struggled with weight issues since I was a teenager. But even though I could lose 10 pounds, I am at a healthy weight and am careful to get exercise and try to eat well.<\/p>\n I blame myself for her weight gains, since when my kids were young, I baked a lot. My sons have never gained much weight, but sadly my daughter shares my love of all things sweet.<\/p>\n Any time I mention it, she tends to get annoyed; her response is always that she eats healthy and gets plenty of exercise.<\/p>\n I worry more about her health than about her appearance, and I value my relationship with her.<\/p>\n I have offered to pay for any good weight loss program, but she always says, \u201cNo thanks. I\u2019m fine.\u201d She did agree to have her thyroid tested, and that test was normal.<\/p>\n Is there any way to bring up the subject of weight with an adult child in a kind way?<\/p>\n — Concerned Mother<\/em><\/p>\n Dear Concerned:<\/strong> You ask if there is any way to bring up this subject kindly, and yet — you have brought this up, kindly and repeatedly.<\/p>\n \u201cIs it your thyroid?\u201d She had it tested. \u201cCan I pay for a weight loss program?\u201d No thank you.<\/p>\n She already knows she is overweight. There is literally no escaping this knowledge.<\/p>\n And now \u2026 you should stop. Just — stop. Love her wholeheartedly and without judgment, just as she is.<\/p>\n Dear Amy:<\/strong> \u201cConcerned Grandma\u201d has her knickers in a twist about her daughter letting the teen grandson drink at home.<\/p>\n There is absolutely nothing wrong with parents allowing this. It\u2019s their house, their kid, and you and the other grandmas should stay out of it.<\/p>\n — Bud Out<\/em><\/p>\n Dear Bud Out:<\/strong> I do agree that the grandmother should not intervene, but with a history of alcoholism in their family, I also understand her concern.<\/p>\n (You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)<\/em><\/p>\n Subscribe to our weekly newsletter, In The Know, to get entertainment news sent straight to your inbox.<\/em><\/p>\n